?Why are you so quiet?? ?Don?t you have anything you want to say?? ?Do you have anything you want to contribute to the conversation?? Questions that can often put an introvert on the defensive. And when it comes from a socializing extrovert it can sound like we just committed the faux pas of a lifetime.

Unless I know a subject well, I take time to reflect before I speak.

I am married to an extreme introvert for just over 35 years. He has admitted to me that some times, when discussing something for the first time, he just speaks what?s on his mind. He doesn't reflect about how what he wants to say will affect who he is speaking with, or even what he wants to say. In particular, these are times that he might be confronting a situation with one of his employees. I asked him; doesn?t he even pause momentarily to collect his thoughts in some way? The answer over the years is always, ?I wish I did!? He is an experienced professional in his field so of course he does know his ?subject well,? and can speak unhesitatingly and correctly in this context.

In general, introverts, tend towards contributing to conversations with well thought out and even innovative ideas. When we appear aloof or withdrawn, our head is actually in a sandbox of sorts. We take in the information, the surroundings, the activities and process it. The sand sculpture we build is quite near the architectural blueprint as you can find. On the playground, after all, we gain our energy from the sandbox of thinking and planning.

The extroverts are in their own sandbox. They may end up building and rebuilding and building again the same castle. If the extrovert had a blueprint, you might see the artist?s rendition is not quite what the sandbox castle builder created ? and the sandbox player might even profess that.

As I think about this trait, it works in building self-confidence and self-esteem is to be clearly understood. People hear us as articulate when we do open our mouth. Taking time to reflect is helpful is many situations, particularly sales and business situations when you quite often are not given a second chance.

Notice how good it feels the next time you take time to contemplate what you want to say. This is an energy-giving trait for us. And it can astound people with the depth, creativity and even humor of our addition to a conversation.